I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
