The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
