just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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