she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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