I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
