I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
