I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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