Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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