im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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