@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
