I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
