Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
