Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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