so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
