im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
