I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
