i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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