if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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