So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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