Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
