I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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