I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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