i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
