God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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