note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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