Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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