remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
