That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
