The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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