come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
