we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I smell like Dick and happiness
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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