PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
