All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
