I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I need moral support for this bender
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
