so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
