i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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