i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
