Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
