I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
