You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
