wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
