Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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