It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
