My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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