It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
