i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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