just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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