He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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