If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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