Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
