Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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