Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
