Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
