I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize