brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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