girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
