I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize