I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I want is dick and wine.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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