He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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