So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
