I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
