Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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