Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
