theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
