I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We need to rekindle our bromance
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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