this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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