You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You made out with two different species that night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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