The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
