it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
