Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
