I faked an abortion last night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
