someone threw a dead crab at me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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