Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
