Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
