I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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